Monday, February 4, 2008


This just in: Tom Brady is not a perfect human being.  In a game wherein I half expected him to develop the ability to fly at some point, the Giant's defensive line instead made him look like a Victoria's Secret model with a helmet.  Of course the Patriot's usually serviceable offensive line didn't help matters when they decided to do their impression of those kids dressed like Seahawks in the State Farm commercial for most of the game.

This brings me to Eli Manning, who did his part to set an NFL record for consecutive Superbowl wins by commercially overexposed siblings.  Somewhere someone has officially recorded that statistic.  I'm no Patriots fan, nor really does history excite me, but the entire experience feels somewhat empty and unfulfilling.  

If anyone has to dethrone Bellichick and make him look dumber than he did to himself with that godawful sweatshirt, couldn't it have been anyone but Eli Manning?  I suppose it was more Strahan and Tuck than anything, but be certain Peyton Jr. will get most of the credit.  Also, I am not in favor of anything that makes Tom Coughlin's beady little rodent eyes glimmer with such delight.  Freaks me out.

Speaking of things that freaked me out last night, did you see the new ad?  The one where the woman's heart makes a bloody escape from her chest and proceeds to walk into her lobster gorging boss's office and hand in her resignation.  How does an exposed nipple in a football stadium offend Christians and destroy children's futures, but this piece of grotesque garbage is acceptable?  I just about lost all twelve beers and the half-pound of guacamole I'd recently consumed.

Ah well, it's over.  On to the most meaningless game of the year to once again end the NFL season with a shrug.  Then I can finally re-devote my Sundays to worshipping something else.  Hockey's a sport, right?


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